Don’t EVER Accuse Someone of Stealing a Pink IPod

Dear aficionados (Yes Mom, I am talking to you!),

As Kakes so kindly introduced me, I am the other half of this blog, the yin to Kakes’s yang, the bat to her ball, the salt to her pepper. Anyways, though I’d love to bore you with analogies (that might I add you can find a lot of on Google!), I’d actually like you to make it through the rest of this posting (especially, given my entries have been far and few between) so I am going to cease explaining how KK and I are one in the same and get on with my more formal introduction.

As I am sure you have realized at this point, KK is a phenomenal writer. One follower (name will not be disclosed as we are confidentiality respecters on this website – keep that in mind if you have any comments that you would like to go anonymous) so nicely pointed out that her essaying makes you feel like she is in your kitchen, sitting on the stool at the counter with a cup of tea in her hand unleashing these fascinating manuscripts that engulf you right off the get-go.

News flash! As you can see with my long run-on in paragraph 1, and that reference of ‘news flash’ that really made no sense whatsoever, I do not share the same story like writing skills. Instead, I vow to tell it to you straight, and entertain where I may. I might not be able to provide the most thrilling and colorful anecdotes (look to Kakes for that as she is an expertise in the art form!) but I will try and make them short and sweet. So, in this long winded introduction I will let you know that my postings, to keep you at least somewhat intrigued, will consists of Dos and Don’ts I learn on a daily basis – believe me the don’ts are heavy but hopefully my faults will provide you with some comic relief.

So without further ado…. Cue Drum-roll

Gretchen’s #1 Don’t EVER Accuse Someone of Stealing a Pink IPod (Seriously!)

Yup, as the title of this “Don’t” suggests I accused someone of stealing my PINK IPod. To begin with, let me point out that I should have realized that the person who goes for the PINK IPod at the Mac store is most likely not going to be the town thief. But, of course, like in any fit of rage, this bit of common sense was not realized when I realized my IPod was no longer fearlessly by my side.

So, before you sign me off as a Kleptophobic (yes, that is someone who is afraid of theft and yes Google is my best friend), I must set-up the story. Imagine a beautiful day in the CT suburbs after a horrendous hurricane that the east coast was not braced for. Due to debris and flooding, Metro North was unable to operate and take the thousands of Wall Streeters from their beautiful Connecticut mansions into the city for a hard day’s work. Though they may have been complaining – I was not!

Anywho, as a result of the plethora of businessmen with no power and no place to go to get their Bloomberg fix, they migrated (in PACKS! Yes, in PACKS!) To the local Starbucks. I Kid you not that by 10:00am Starbucks was rationing off internet time as the floors of each store in the neighborhood were filled with men, women and children who needed their daily wifi fix. Technology! Can live with it… CAN’T live without it!

So… of course, I spend most of the day going from one Starbucks to another trying to change up the ambiance in an effort to get as much work done as possible and not have the coffee barista realize that I am 9 coffees deep by 9am. Well anyways, the day buzzes quickly along and I am feeling quite antsy and caffeine-induced by 3pm so I decide to take quick break and hit the road for an afternoon jog. As luck would have it, as soon as I get to sidewalk pounding and hit play on my pink jam-maker, I get an “urgent” work email – ughhhh… I quickly sprint back to the apartment grab the laptop and run to the local wifi warzone to answer my call of duty before getting back to the jog. Post-task, upon dropping the laptop back at the apartment, I realize something is not right…

I am missing my running partner, my soulmate… my IPod. I quickly call Starbucks to ask if they have found it and despite what my horoscope said that morning about having bad luck, this is not the case – my new Starbucks friend SEES a pink iPod sitting on the table where I was. He proceeds to put me on hold to confirm that it is not anyone at the table (I was about to say, “What are the chances of two people in one Stabucks table at 3:00pm on a Monday in Stamford having a pink iPod” but I refrained). Seconds later, Billy-Bob (Name replaced - I told you we were confidential!) returned to tell me that the IPod was NOT mine but instead belonged to someone else at that very table. WHAT?!!! How on earth could someone be claiming my IPod as theirs??? I asked him to interrogate the woman further but he explained that it was against Starbucks policy so I made him promise to keep her their until I could sprint back and give that lady a piece of my mind.

As I ran back to the crime scene to lay eyes on the vicious victim, I thought of all of things I was going to say to this woman. I am not one to throw down, “verbally”, so I was getting revveeeeeeeeeeed. I swung open the Stabucks door and ran to the table and demanded my ipod back. The girl immediately responded and showed me her iPod – not what I had pictured this confrontation to look like…

Despite my attempt to be Sherlock Holmes, I had not solved the case, this was NOT my IPod – it was an iPod mini and I had a shuffle. Red in the face, I slumped out the door and headed back to the apartment downtrodden. Not only had I made a fool out of myself, but I still had no idea where my running partner could be – my marathon training was going to take a turn for the worst.

As I arrived home, I decided that the run would no longer be possible without my pump-up jams so thought it might be best to change into something nicer. As I bent down to take off my tennis shoes, something pinched me in the stomach – were my shorts to tight after 9 cups of coffee that morning?? No silly, my iPod was clipped on my shorts throughout the whole episode!! Though I was pleased to reunite with my running savior, I couldn’t help but think what the woman thought of me when I demanded a pink iPod when I clearly had one clipped onto the band of my shorts.

Point in case: Don’t Accuse Someone of Stealing a Pink Ipod